Words That Heal #1: The Quiet Cost of Saying Yes (when you want to say no)

Originally published in my “Words That Heal” series. Now part of “Healing from Within.”

The world is like a classroom full of children with their heads down, obediently following the rules. But when you finally raise your head, you realize—there is no teacher.

This line, from I’m Not for Everyone. Neither Are You by David Leddick, stopped me in my tracks.

I remember being that obedient child. The “good girl.” The one who never caused trouble.

I was the friend who mediated arguments, the one who avoided confrontation, the one who kept the peace at all costs.

When I was 12, my father passed away. My mother, a young widow with two children, did her best to hold us together while carrying the weight of her own grief.

And me?

I learned to cope by withdrawing into myself.

My younger brother was too little to really understand just how much our lives had changed.

That left me—the eldest, the quiet one—trying to be who I thought my family needed me to be.

I didn’t want to rock the boat. So I played the part that was acceptable, both at home and at school. I learned not to take too much space.

Breaking the Pattern: Learning to Trust My Own Voice

And so I tried my best to fit in.

To agree and go along with others even when I didn’t really want to.

As the years passed, that pattern became second nature.

I didn’t realize the cost of it until much later.

The cost of silencing my voice. The cost of swallowing my truth. The cost of saying yes when every part of me wanted to say no.

It took years to recognize it—and it has taken even longer to unlearn it.

But once I became aware of how much it was affecting my life in both subtle ways and big, I made a decision not to anymore.

Instead, I finally learned how to trust my own voice, my intuition and chart my own way through life.

I pored over books such as Women’s bodies, women’s wisdom by Dr Christian Northrup, The heroine’s journey by Maureen Murdock, Medicine woman by Lucy H Pearce and Goldmining the shadows by Pixie Lighthorse.

These women showed me a different, more gentle and peaceful way of owing all parts of myself.

For the first time since I was a little girl, I finally found the courage to be myself. To embrace myself without criticising or judging myself.

For the first time in many years I knew what it was to feel free.

The Cost of Silence—And the Freedom of Being Seen

Maybe you’ve felt this too.

Maybe you’ve asked yourself:

• Who am I trying to please when I say yes, even when I don’t want to?

• Why does it feel unsafe to say how I really feel?

• Why am I afraid to share my thoughts—on patriarchy, spirituality, or even something as simple as pulling an oracle card (this one’s all me!)?

If you’re nodding along, know this: You are not alone.

If you’re still trying to fit in, to blend in, maybe it’s time to look at things differently.

Because living in fear of being seen isn’t really living at all.

And I absolutely refuse to pay that price anymore.

I no longer do things just to please others, just to maintain the peace. Because I know now—the world is richer when I bring my whole self to it.

When I stand in my truth, I can guide women with chronic health struggles toward hope when all seems hopeless.

When I share my voice, through my emails, my blog, and here on Words That Heal, I reach those who need to hear these words most.

That is what I want for you too.

Toko-pa Turner, in her book Belonging, writes:

“It is the longing to be recognized for one’s gifts, to be welcomed in love and kinship, to feel a sense of purpose and necessity to our community. But it is also the longing to open to the sacred dimension of our lives, to feel in service to something noble, to live in magic and wonder.”

May we all find the courage to step into that space—to live fully, to live freely.

I’d love to hear from you.

✨ What’s one “yes” you gave recently that drained you?
I’m holding space—hit reply or leave a comment. You’re not alone in this.

These reflections are part of my “Words That Heal” series. If you’d like more posts like this, hit the 💛 at the top or just reply to say hello.

Your voice is always welcome here.