Words That Heal #7: Productivity, Rest, and the Lies in Between

Originally published in my “Words That Heal” series. Now part of “Healing from Within.”

“you can rest deeply”

“it’s safe to rest deeply”

Rebecca Campbell’s beautiful voice guided me to a place of deep rest.

As I lay down on the floor with my eyes closed, I was able to take time to replenish and recharge myself from the inside out. I allowed myself to relax more and more especially in those areas where I hold most tension- my neck and shoulders. The cold floor below me somehow made me feel that I was being held and safe at the same time.

The cold floor below me held my body and briefly it felt like I was being held and comforted.

As Dr Sandra Dalton Smith points out in her excellent book “Sacred Rest”,

“Sleep is different from rest, but good quality sleep trickles down from a life well rested. We may sleep in response to rest, but resting doesn’t require us to be in a state of sleep”

Read that last sentence again.

I did and I was taken aback by this piece of information. I had somehow always assumed that sleep and rest were pretty much the same thing. And that if I got enough sleep then it didn’t matter whether I found time to rest as well.

Then in the year after the pandemic, I pushed myself so hard that I initially ignored my body’s warning signs that something was wrong.

What my body was trying tell me

I eventually paid a price for not listening.

The thing is, I was determined to prove to myself that I could make it and be “successful” in my coaching practice in monetary terms. I was feeling a bit left out as I compared myself to others who were seemingly doing much “better” than me. And I felt that I had a lot of catching up to do.

I see now this is a result the inevitable frustration that creeps in when you are comparing your journey to others.

As someone had said wisely “Never compare your chapter one to someone else’s chapter twenty”.

Because it never ends well.

The good part is that the few coaching clients I had at the time were getting very good results and were happy with my services.

But I wasn’t happy.

And my body paid a price for it.

Has your body ever asked you to stop—and did you listen? You’re welcome to reply or share if this mirrors your own experience.

I pushed myself harder and harder trying to get new clients and reaching more people. I got so busy that I chose to initially ignore the niggling pain in my left side of my lower back.

I was also accompanying my daughter at the time for back to back show jumping competitions, so it was really easy for me to avoid figuring out what was wrong.

And then it progressively became worse.

And finally, after I had done an MRI and showed it, not one but two doctors recommended that I opt for surgery.

By that time the pain had engulfed almost the entire back of my left leg, leaving me unable to walk, sit or lie down properly. I was in constant pain and was mostly confined to my bedroom. It was painful wake up call for me but it did make me stop to change my approach.

I was determined to try out other non medical interventions first.

To cut a long story short, I found a physiotherapist who helped me understand the actual causes of my problem. With intensive rehab with her and her team’s help, I worked on my posture, core strength and my flat feet.

Six weeks later I was almost pain free and around 9 months later I was back to my original form.

Rest vs. sleep :There’s a difference

This phase of my life taught me many things.

It brought to light the pain that I had caused myself by not allowing myself to rest and at the same time, it also taught me how to appreciate where and who I was.

By constantly focusing on my future goals, I had stopped living in the present. I kept pushing my body beyond it’s limits and not taking rest when I needed to. I tried working harder, smarter and longer without realising that it is not the only way to be successful on my terms.

My body became mentally and emotionally exhausted with the pressure that I piled on myself.

And as a result, I lost track of what “success” means for me.

“Only in recent history has “working hard” signaled pride rather than shame”

Nassim Nicholas Taleb

In fact German sociologist Sabine Sonnentag has been exploring the question of what kind of breaks provide the greatest recovery and prevent exhaustion and burn out. And her findings have been consistent over decades of research and across different industries.

She and her colleagues have found that there are four major factors that contribute to recovery - relaxation, control, mastery experiences and mental detachment from work.

In the book Rest - Why you get more done when you work less , the author Alex Soojung-Kim Pang gets into this topic in details.

In our quest to do do more, be more and grow more,

we are losing out on actually living our lives.

Of course, there many unfortunate people in war zones and unstable regions simply focus on surviving from one day to another. If you are reading this post, I am guessing that you are most likely lucky not to be one of them.

You see, till only about a few decades ago, life moved at a pace where you could be more productive and efficient by managing your time better. You needed to get better and better at scheduling all the activities and tasks that you need to take care of. And it worked just fine!

But not anymore.

We simply have to much to fill in, too much to fit into our already busy days and lives.

So then you try the next best thing.

You start cutting things out.

This is where I was about a year ago. I have become good at prioritising activities and people in my life. I chose to do only a few things at a time and I very particular as to what kind of media, information and news I allow into my life.

And it has helped to lower my stress levels and find peace in a noisy world.

But I was still missing something.

“No matter matter how fast we go, no matter how many comforts we forgo….there never seems to be enough time”.

Jay Walljasper

The power of STOPPING

That’s when I came across the power of STOPPING.

According to David Kunitz,

“Stopping is doing nothing, as much as possible, for a definite period of time, for the purpose of becoming more fully awake and remembering who you are and what you want”

What would it look like for you to stop—not slow down, but truly stop? You don’t have to answer here, but you might want to write it down.

For me personally, this is the single most important practice that I have incorporated into my life in the recent past.

For years I thought that meditation, deep breathing, walking and other such restorative practices were enough to help me relax and recover. But what I have found is that due to the fast, hectic lives that we all lead nowadays, this is not true anymore.

Slowing down is no longer the solution, stopping is.

I love the story about the corporate executive who is busy climbing the ladder of success.

He is so busy trying to reach the top that he only realises that the ladder is on the wrong wall once he has spent years of his life climbing . He never really stopped to ask himself “Is this really where I want to go?”

Instead he is left with the question

“How did I get here?”

Of course, stopping or even pausing may seem like a waste of time. You may also feel that you will have to sacrifice the speedy parts of life that you love. Such as technology and modern comforts.

I certainly did!

Over time I have realised that I don’t have to give up one for the other. Stopping brings balance to my life that I was craving for. It boosts my creativity and allows me to continue my work with passion and enthusiasm.

However, there is usually one thing that prevents us from doing this.

The myth of “I can do it all”

There was a time that being in sync with the natural rhythms of life such as the seasons, sunrise and sunset and our menstrual cycles was the norm.

This meant that we living in sync with nature and with our own natural rhythms. But that’s hardly true for many people nowadays.

And I find that as women, we usually we fall the for the myth of “I can do it all”.

I do believe that we can, just not all at the same time!

Feeling tired and exhausted has become second nature to many of us. And determining the cause of this unexplained tiredness is a mystery to us and many healthcare providers. More an more people are living with unexplained fatigue these days.

In any case, the solution may be more simple than you think.

In the book “Sacred Rest” mentioned earlier, the author Dr Sandra Dalton-Smith describes rest this way

“Rest is not simply pushing the pause button in your day. Rest is not merely taking a break. Rest is about replenishing, restoring, renewing, recovering, rebuilding, regenerating, remoulding and repairing. Rest begins with the pre-fix re- because it requires us to go back to a prior state. It is a second chance.”

I love this definition because it shows us the way towards healing - body, mind and soul.

Choosing rest and renewal

Whether you realise it or not, you are in need of healing.

Just by being alive, you are being called to use your resources- mental, emotional and physical. You are expending energy to deal with daily challenges and perform at your highest level. You are being asked to give more and more of yourself to your loved ones and others you care about.

Yet, for many women, our culture conditions us not to rest or to listen to our bodies and so when we do, many of us feel extreme guilt and shame.

What about you?

When was the last time you took an hour, a day or a week off without feeling guilty about it?

Pushing our bodies to the brink of exhaustion, burn out and depression is not the only choice you have.

And there is certainly no pride in showing up for work despite being ill, injured and when we are grieving.

Rest is a way back to yourself and allows you to appreciate the life that you already have.

Rest is not what you think

Rest is more than just learning how to take a nap.

You are born knowing how to rest and listen to your body. Babies and small children do this effortlessly and follow their body’s cues to get what they need to survive. They know instinctively what they need and let us know in the loudest way possible.

Yet, somehow as we grow older, this intuition is replaced by disconnection from our bodies.

And if you want to dig a bit deeper, there are a few questions that you can ask yourself (based on the book “Rest is resistance” by Tricia Hersey)

Have you really thought about what rest feels like for you?

Do you have a model or a guide what it feels like to be well rested?

What would it feel like to be consistently rest?

Also, as I have consciously made rest an essential part of my self care practice, I have realised that vacations are not enough. Sleeping for longer hours over the weekend is not enough. Multitasking is not an option.

I need to rest every single day and replete those specific parts of my life that are most depleted. And this is usually when I have the least time for taking some rest.

Choosing your best life

Pushing our bodies to the brink of exhaustion, burn out and depression is not the only choice you have.

You have the power to choose rest, to listen to your body's needs, and to prioritize your health and wellbeing.

Give yourself permission to stop, pause and restore.

When you make space for rest, you open yourself up to renewed creativity, passion, and enthusiasm for life.

As Ferris Bueller wisely said,

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

Don't let life pass you by.

Honor your body's need for rest. Seek out practices that bring you joy and renewal. Disconnect from work and technology and tune into nature's rhythms.

Most importantly, give yourself permission to simply be, without guilt or shame and make rest a sacred practice.

The rest will take care of itself.

💛 If this piece brought you closer to yourself, tap the heart above.
💬 Have a reflection you’d like to share? The comments are always open.
📬 Want more like this? Subscribe to Words That Heal and let them come to you.
🔁 Know someone dancing between doing and being? Forward this gently.

Your voice is always welcome here. So is your quiet.